Together for never?
by Half-x-Blood-x-Princess
Summary: Set during New Moon, a sort of alternative. Edward told Bella "It will be as if I never existed". Find out what happens when his promise is kept and Bella finds herself alone in more ways than one. A tale of love, loss and insanity.
1. Chapter 1

Together For Never?

Chapter One-He's Gone

"_It will be as if I never existed"_

_Edward_

My eyes could see nothing in the half-light, but it didn't matter; there was nothing left to see now that he had left me, taking my dreams with him. I had seen him angry, I had seen him scared, vulnerable, uncertain. Only a few hours ago, I had seen him devastated, ashamed. Now I didn't see him at all, and that was far worse. My ears detected a low rumbling, a sort of growl. Charlie had told me a thousand times that there were bears in these woods, but right now I didn't care. If it ripped me open right now, letting my guts spill onto the floor, it would find no heart. He had taken it, he had everything. He had all of me. The growling subsided and where it had been, stood a tall man with russet-coloured skin. He was Native American in appearance, and, if I had not been so numb, I would have realised that he was beautiful.

"Bella Swan," he said in a deep voice. In the fog of my mind, I barely recognised my name.

"Are you alright?" he asked me, bending down to get closer. I tensed up as I felt him approach and suddenly I realised, he knew me.

"Who're you," I mumbled, my throat dry.

"I'm Sam Uley, Charlie sent me to look for you. I'm glad you're okay," he continued.

"I'm not," I mumbled. I wasn't okay, I was a million miles from okay. Okay was a plot on a map I'd lost.

"Are you hurt?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Can you walk?" he asked. I shook my head again. As light and as floppy as a ragdoll in his arms, I was carried out of the forest, to where Charlie stood.

"Bella, are you alright?" Charlie asked. I called out to him, but my voice was weak and it sounded more like a groan. A crowd had gathered and was watching me loll in Sam's arms. I was a freak show. When I was safely inside, a doctor tended to me and asked all the usual questions.

"Are you hurt?" only more hurt than I've ever been in my life.

"Are you confused?" My whole world is gone, of course I am.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I didn't want to think about that. Ever.

"She seems fine, just a little concussed and confused," said the doctor.

"Where's Doctor Cullen?" I managed to choke out, causing both the doctor and my father to gape at me like I was a zoo exhibit.

"We have no Doctor Cullen at our hospital, we never have," he said, looking puzzled. Lies, all lies.

"Yes you have, or did. He sewed up my arm, look," I raised my arm that had a gash on it which was only a few days old, but it wasn't there. My arm was pale, as usual, but unscathed.

"Maybe it healed," I muttered.

"Perhaps," he smiled, giving me a patronising look. When he had gone, Charlie went into cop mode.

"Why were you in the forest, Bella?" he asked me, seriously.

"I went for a walk with Edward," the name gave me a pain somewhere inside my chest.

"Edward?" he asked, puzzled.

"Edward Cullen, my boyfriend," I said, plainly.

"Is he related to the doctor you were just talking about?" asked Charlie. His apparent lack of knowledge infuriated me.

"Yes, Carlisle Cullen. You've met them both, loads of times. Edward was over here, right before I....we went into the forest," I persisted.

"Was I here at that time?" asked Charlie, confused.

"Yes! You ate pizza together, remember?" I pressed, willing him to remember, even one detail.

"I've never met a boy called Edward....where is he now, anyway?" asked Charlie. I rose from the sofa and walked towards the window.

"He's gone....I wish I knew where. One minute he was here, the next he was gone. He said he'll never come back," at this point, I could hold back the tears no longer and collapsed into a heap on the floor. Charlie rushed over and picked me up; putting an arm around me for support, he mustered some consoling words.

"It's going to be okay, Bella. Whatever has got you all confused and upset, we'll sort it out," he promised, kissing my hair.

"He's done this.....Edward" I mumbled.

"Where did you meet this Edward?" asked Charlie.

"At school, in my Biology class. Wait a minute, I have photos," I said, dashing upstairs, excitedly. I grabbed my new digital camera from my bed and began flipping through the photos. There were ones of Jessica, Mike and the crew at school, ones of Charlie, ones of me, but no Edward. I had taken them, I knew I had. I slumped back downstairs, disappointed.

"Are you okay, Bella?" asked Charlie. I curled up on the sofa and spoke icily.

"The photos are gone. They were all I had left of him. He's gone forever, all of traces of him, just like he said," I shifted slightly and let the hot tears run down my cheek.

"I think you should rest, Bella," said Charlie, softly. I had barely climbed into my bed, when I heard him on the phone to Billy Black.

"She's always been imaginative, like her mother.....I'm real worried this time....she's invented a boy and a family for him.....where she met him.....it's scaring me," I heard enough of what he said to make me take action. With agility I had only ever seen displayed by the Cullens, I ran downstairs and towards Charlie.

"Bella, you should be resting," he said, turning scarlet.

"You should talk quieter the next time you accuse me of being crazy," I seethed.

"I don't think you're crazy, Bella....I'm worried about you," he replied.

"Invented...imaginative...I'm telling the TRUTH, he was here and now he's not," I persisted.

"Go back to bed, Bella. We'll talk about this later," he said. I hurried back upstairs and jumped back into bed, seething and fragile at the same time. So, people thought I was crazy. As I lay back and felt warmth that was normally occupied by a cold torso, I knew I was right, and they were wrong. As a child, I found nothing more comforting than settling into my warm bed for the night, but now it felt too hot beneath my covers. Even when I threw them off in a fit of rage, I was still overly warm. There were no strong arms cradling me at night, nobody to hear me speak of my dreams as I slept and nobody to wake up to in the morning.

"Bella, you're going to be late!" called Charlie from downstairs. My alarm clock had gone off half an hour ago, but I had no urge to get out of bed. If I had been able to choose, I would not have woken up at all, but so is the hand I was dealt.

"Bella!" he called again. His concerned parent act had faded the minute I'd started to talk about Edward, and now he was acting as if he had never existed, as if WE had never existed.

"I'm COMING!" I roared, showing emotion for the first time in days. Charlie muttered something about manners and responsibility, but I wasn't listening. He headed out of the door, his gun strapped around his waist. I was glad he hadn't left it behind, I couldn't be held accountable for my actions, not when my reason for living had disappeared without a trace. When your whole world collapses, there is nothing left to hold onto; and so you fall, slowly, painfully, until you hit the ground.

I took the quickest shower I had ever had, turning the heat down to feel something close to the cold touch Edward graced me with. It was nothing alike, this cold didn't leave me surging with electricity, it left me cold and sad and alone. I dressed casually in jeans, a hoodie and my favourite pair of converse, drank a glass of milk and headed out of the door towards my truck. I climbed into the cab and glanced at the dashboard, mournfully. Where there had recently been a brand new stereo, was my old, crappy radio. He had taken it out, just like he had taken himself out of my life. I swallowed my tears and drove towards school at top speed.

"Hey, Bella. How are you?" asked Mike when I climbed out of my truck.

"Hey, I'm okay," I muttered. I searched the car park, even though I knew I wouldn't see Edward's silver Volvo today, or ever again for that matter.

"I didn't think you'd be in today....after what happened," he began.

"Why? Because everybody thinks I'm a nutcase? Because they think I can't distinguish between fantasy and reality?" I was furious again, at myself, at Edward, but Mike got the full blast. Ah well, shit happens.

"No, because I thought you might be sick....pneumonia or something," he said, slowly.

"Oh, well I'm fine. Thanks," I said, faking a smile.

"Good, well we have Gym first period," he said, conversationally. My heart sank; Gym was no place for the co-ordination challenged, like me. I had always been a klutz, since birth.

"What sport are we doing?" I asked, trying to sound like I cared.

"Track and Field," he replied, heaving his bag onto his shoulder.

"Oh no, I don't do running," I said, shaking my head.

"We could always ditch, go to the arcade or something," he suggested.

"That'd be cool," I agreed and we started back towards my truck. I figured ditching Gym was no big deal, as I was abysmal at it anyway. We returned from the arcade just in time for second period, which was Biology. Edward's seat was empty; which although came as no shock to me, still gave me a pain in my chest. Lunch was uneventful; without Edward's intellect and interesting conversation, I felt like I was surrounded by idiots. I wanted to tell them to shut up about their crush or last week's beach party, because none of it mattered, not when I was feeling like this.

"Edward, where are you?" I asked out loud, a little too loud.

"Did you say something, Bella?" asked Mike, kindly. I flushed scarlet and began stammering, as I always did when I was nervous

"I was just wondering...where Edward and the rest of the Cullens went," I murmured, going redder.

"Edward?" asked Mike, with the same puzzled expression Charlie had worn.

"The Cullens?" asked Jessica, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Edward Cullen, he was my boyfriend," I said, choking up as I spoke.

"I never knew you had a boyfriend, Bella," said Eric, in surprise. Had-the past tense stung like a knife in my side and I almost began crying there and then.

"Which school did he go to?" asked Lauren, interestedly.

"Ours," I replied, irritably. Why was everybody so stupid these days?

"What did he look like?" asked Jessica.

"Flawless skin, very pale, copper hair, butterscotch eyes, toned," I replied. This was just a brief description, I could have gone on forever, describing the different shades in his eyes, explaining how his hair shone in the light, turning it reddish brown, his pale, muscled body.

"He sounds dreamy, can I meet him?" giggled Jessica.

"You did meet him, loads of times. You all did," I protested.

"I'm sure we would have remembered a guy like THAT," said Lauren. I got up and walked out, their mocking tones and laughter just too much for me.

"Bella, wait!" called Mike, behind me. I spun around and saw that he looked sad, too.

"You believe me, don't you Mike? You knew Edward, you met him, you hated him," I reminded him, standing on tip toes now.

"Bella, I'm worried about you and the whole Edward thing," he said, looking at the floor.

"You think he was wrong to leave me, don't you? I should be with him; we're made for each other, aren't we?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't let me down.

"I'm worried that you've turned to this idea for support....I think you should talk to someone," he said.

"The only person I want to talk to is Edward, because I love him. I love him so much Mike, and he loves me, he just didn't want to hurt me anymore, that's why he left," I ranted, misunderstanding Mike's words.

"No, Bella. I think you need help, of the professional kind," he said, kindly. He touched my arm and it felt warm....all wrong.

"He's real!" I yelled and ran out of school, towards my truck. I drove home, tears blurring my vision and was shocked to see Charlie's Cruiser parked outside the house. I didn't want or need another concerned parent talk, so I walked in without saying a word to him.

"I'm here, when you want to talk to me properly," he called. I did want to talk, but to Alice. I sat at my ancient computer and typed a message to her email address, which I had memorised.

Alice

I miss you so much. I miss Edward of course, so much I feel like a huge hole is dominating my chest and that I will never be happy again, ever. I want to see him, talk to him, touch him again, just so I know that he is real, that we were real once. Nobody remembers you, any of you....did you do something? I miss you almost as much as I miss Edward, in a different way of course, but miss you all the same. Please email me back to let me know you're all ok.

Give my love to everyone-especially Edward.

Bella

The server informed me that the email address was not in working order and I sighed. They had truly left without a trace and now I was all alone in the world. I knew a secret I couldn't tell anyone and now everybody thought I was going insane. I went downstairs to where Charlie sat and I cried until it hurt.

"Nobody believes me, about the Cullens," I sobbed, gasping for air.

"To you, they're real Bella. Nobody else has seen them, you can't expect people to remember somebody they've never met," he reasoned.

"But they are real; they lived in Forks for a few years! Names and faces I could have invented, but not feelings, not love. I love Edward, dad, this is what it's really about," I sighed.

"That's why we're going to get you some help, kiddo," he said, kissing my head. I didn't feel fury this time, or patronised, or even frustrated. I felt at peace with the world, it was the calm before the storm that was to be my life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two- A Helping Hand.

Mae Swan didn't look like a shrink. As she stepped into the house-Charlie's idea, he knew how much I hated hospitals- she had the appearance of an Art teacher. Her hair was flyaway, frizzy and blonde and her eccentric dress sense hinted at her own hidden insanity.

"We have the same last name," I commented, spotting her name badge. She responded with a smile loaded with an amount of patronisation I hadn't seen since kindergarten.

"Maybe we'll find we have more in common," she beamed. I doubted it. I doubted she had ever been in love with a 'vegetarian' vampire. I doubted he had ever been bitten by a vampire. I said none of this, of course, but simply smiled back as enthusiastically as I could. She sat on the sofa and began to address me, in an equally patronising tone as before.

"Your father tells me that he's been very worried about you," she said, gazing into my eyes. Her eyes were very ordinary, green in colour. I remembered back to when I had asked Edward about his change in eye colour; he had made up some crap about lighting, I later discovered the colour depended on his thirst levels. Her eyes would not change colour, they would simply bore into me until the insanity spilled out. I looked away, and when I did not answer her, she continued.

"He tells me that you've been very upset and disturbed lately," she said, trying to meet my gaze. At the word 'disturbed', I became incensed.

"Well, I've lost the love of my life and nobody cares," I snapped, curling up into a defensive shape on the armchair.

"I'm sure they do, tell me about the love of your life," she said, warmly.

"His name is Edward, but he's gone now," I replied, sadly.

"Is this the boy you've been talking about.....the boy who nobody remembers?" she asked me, reaching out a bronzed hand. Compared to me, she was practically exotic in appearance.

"Yes, because they're being stupid. I went to school with him; he was my boyfriend for months. Charlie-my dad met him several times. Edward thought that was the right thing to do before he took me out," I explained. I smiled faintly at the memory, although my insides had begun to cave in at the very mention of him.

"Why would people...not remember him?" she asked me. I sighed and stood up, running my hands through my hair.

"How am I supposed to know? Maybe he did something to make them forget....I don't know; all I know is he's gone and he's not coming back," I said, returning to my seat.

"Where did he go, and why?" she asked me, sounding interested in the answer.

"I don't know where he is," I replied truthfully. I did know why he'd gone, but I couldn't tell her that. She wrote something-probably INSANE or something-on her notepad and looked back up at me.

"I feel like you're holding back on me, Bella," she said, eyeing me.

"Do you believe in the supernatural?" I asked her. She looked taken aback for a few moments, but answered me nonetheless.

"Not really," she said, quietly. Something about her answer made me doubt how truthful she was being, but I simply looked away again.

"You wouldn't understand, then," I said, causing her to frown in confusion.

"Was he....Edward, was he magical?" she asked me, softly. I allowed myself to laugh at loud before I replied.

"He was no Harry Potter, but he was different," I replied, still smiling.

"Different, in which way?" Mae asked me, putting down her pen.

"He was a real gentleman, and breathtakingly beautiful," I sighed. I hated talking about him in past tense, as if he were dead. Sometimes I thought he may as well be, I was as good as dead to him, but then the aching began and I couldn't forget him for a second.

"How did he make you feel?" she asked me, cocking her head to one side, quizzically.

"Wanted, special... like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He cared about everything I had to say, even it if was dumb," I said, all in one breath. She smiled broadly at me.

"You've just described the world's perfect man, every girl's dream," she commented and I blushed, thinking of the sexual dreams I'd had about him just days after meeting him.

"That's Edward," I replied, sadly. I thought of his angel's face, his perfect voice, his beautiful eyes and mine filled with tears.

"Was Edward your first real boyfriend?" she asked me, sympathetically.

"The first boy I was ever remotely interested in," I admitted, embarrassed. It dawned on me what she was insinuating and I grew defensive again.

"You think I made him up, just like everyone else does," I said, it wasn't a question. She sighed.

"I'm not saying that, Bella. He just seems too good to be true almost," she replied. I glared at her angrily for a few moments, before speaking through gritted teeth.

"If you knew....everything, you'd understand," I stammered. She looked at me with sad eyes.

"Then tell me, Bella," she pleaded.

"I can't....not yet, anyway," I replied, looking away from her once again.

"Do you want me to come back?" she asked, cautiously. I nodded; it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't Charlie.

"I'll see you next week, then," she smiled, patting my arm. I smiled faintly back at her. After she'd left, Charlie spoke to me.

"I'm proud of you, Bella," he said, warmly.

"All I did was to tell her the truth, the truth that nobody else believes," I said, irritably.

"Hopefully, this will help you, and you'll stop feeling these negative thoughts," he said, squeezing my pale hand tightly.

"Maybe," I agreed, walking to the kitchen to start dinner. As I stood over the sink, I knew there was only one thing that would make me happy and that was Edward's return. This was not a bogeyman who Charlie could chase from under my bed, this monster lived in my heart and soul, or what was left of it. This monster wasn't a monster, but a vampire I loved. And he was real.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three- Waiting For Mae.

I knew it was not a normal response to look forward to appointments with your shrink. In all the films I had seen, people dreaded seeing the psychologist. People were ashamed of having one and seeing one was a necessity to them, not a choice. I was different. I longed to have someone to talk to who wasn't my dad. Charlie didn't know how to talk feelings, or listen to them. He would ask me if we could talk about it later, or whether I'd rather wait for Mae to come back. In short, he didn't want to hear his teenage daughter's angst over somebody he refused to admit he'd ever met. On Monday, I was pouring some juice when he came downstairs, looking exhausted.

"Are you okay, Dad?" I asked him, I never called him Charlie to his face, some normality was essential.

"Just a little feverish," he replied, sitting down beside me. I passed him a cold glass of juice, which he pressed against his cheek before gulping it down in one. I poured him another and went over to put a bagel in the toaster.

"No food for me thanks, Bella," he said, gulping down more juice. I was worried now.

"I'll call the station; do you want me to stay home with you?" I asked him, getting some Tylenol out of the cupboard.

"No, I'll just be in bed anyway. You go to school," he replied, as I picked up the phone and dialled the station. Once I had made the call, I turned back towards him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home? I don't like the thought of you here alone when you're sick," I said, worry saturating my voice.

"I was sick in the seventeen years before you got here, you know," he replied.

"I know, if you need anything, just call me and I'll be right home," I promised, grabbing my schoolbag and heading out of the door into the cold January air. As usual, it was raining and I pulled up my hood for the duration of the walk to my truck. I climbed into the cab with the same sense of foreboding I had felt every morning since Edward had left me. There would nobody to greet me at school, unless you counted Mike Newton, which I would rather not. School was just like any day for me. Kids messed around in the halls, acted up in class and harassed me with stupid questions.

"Hey, Bella, fancy an arm wrestle?" asked Heath, a blonde-haired boy with buck teeth. Mike laughed and said,

"You don't wanna be messing with Bella; her dad's the head of police". Heath turned white and faced me.

"Sorry Bella....he is?" he asked.

"I thought everyone knew Chief Swan," said Mike, laughing again. Trig saved me from further discussions about my dad, but there was something bugging me big time. My dad knew everyone in Forks. He knew practically all the kids in all my classes and their parents, and their grandparents. Everyone at my school was afraid to do anything that would annoy him. What if he had told them to agree to the whole Edward-Cullen-does-not-exist thing? I didn't think Charlie would hurt me like that, but what if, like Edward, he had done what he thought was best for me, even if it hurt me? I returned to Heath later that day, not because I wanted to arm wrestle, or inflict any kind of pain on him at all, but because he didn't know my dad.

"Hey, Heath," I called, when I saw him in the hallway. He looked up from his locker and went white when he saw me standing there.

"Hey, Bella....um...what's up," he stammered.

"This isn't about earlier, or my dad," I assured him quickly. He seemed to relax when I told him this, so I proceeded.

"Do you remember a guy called Edward, in our Bio class?" I asked him, anxiously.

"Edward?" he asked, leaning against the lockers.

"Edward Cullen, he was my partner in lab," and everything else.....

"No, you always sat alone. I mean if you want a partner, I'd be happy to....," he started, but I cut him off.

"Are you sure you don't remember him?" I pressed.

"I'm sure I'd remember a person, Bella," he said, frowning. I nodded and walked away, the gap that had dominated my chest opening up again. I hugged myself as I walked along towards the administration's office. Heath could be lying, or being coerced into agreeing with my classmates. I had to find out from someone who wouldn't lie.

"Can I help you, Miss Swan?" asked Miss Varnes, raising her head from a large pile of papers.

"I was wondering....if....if there used to be a student here named Edward Cullen, back in September?" I stammered. Even speaking his name hurt, and she looked at me cautiously, before typing his name into a computer. I knew what the answer would be before she spoke, but it still hit me. Hard.

"There's no record of an Edward Cullen, I'm sorry," she said. I gripped my backpack tightly and cried out, not caring who heard.

"No record? Why am I the only one with a record of him, why am I the only one who remembers him, who even tries to remember him? Do you want to see a record of Edward Cullen? I'll rip open my chest and you'll see my heart there, beating only because of the mere memory of him and then you'll know that Edward Cullen exists and that I love him," I gasped, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Come with me, Miss Swan," said an authoritative voice. The Principal stood beside me, reaching out a muscular arm. I took it reluctantly and he led me to his office, while he alerted his secretary to call my dad.

"Can you tell me why you were....freaking out in there," he asked me, sternly. His use of modern slang and his aim to be 'down with the kids' would have made me laugh if I hadn't been A) Embarrassed and B) in the depths of despair.

"I...I don't know, I was surprised that nobody had heard of Edward Cullen, that's all," I choked out. The Principal raised an eyebrow, but was called away before he could speak. He was on the phone to Charlie, I knew it. His tone mirrored that of my dad's when he was speaking about serious matters.

"I see, I see, well get here soon please," I heard him say. I watched the clock tick sluggishly before Charlie arrived, looking flushed from fever.

"We're going home, Bella," he said, curtly.

"I could have driven myself, I'm fine," I protested, but he gave me a look which told me to shut up and follow him. In the parking lot, stood Jacob Black.

"Why is he here?" I hissed at Charlie.

"To drive your truck, now get in my car," instructed Charlie, shortly. Back at home, he turned on me with sad eyes.

"What were you doing, Bella?" he asked me, waiting for an answer.

"I was checking....something, with Miss Varnes," I replied, looking at the floor.

"Checking what?" he asked me, seeming like he already knew.

"That Edward didn't go to our school," I mumbled, quietly.

"I hoped that you'd gotten over this, Bella," he said, sharply.

"I'm not going to get over Edward, I love him," I snapped.

"He's not real, Bella. Where are you going?" he asked me, when I stood up to leave.

"I'm going to my room, to wait for Mae to arrive. She believes me," I yelled, stomping upstairs. I didn't know that she did, but I hoped. Maybe it was just that she was paid to talk to me, but something in her eyes and her tone of voice told me that she didn't think I was crazy.

"Good evening, Bella, your father tells me it's been a bad day," she said, sinking into the sofa. I nodded.

"What happened?" she asked. I wasn't sure if she really hadn't been filled in, or she just wanted my account of the story, but I told her nonetheless.

"I went to admissions, to check if Edward had ever been to our school," I muttered.

"I see," she said.

"There was no record of him, but I know he was there," I said.

"He was at school with you, as well as home?" she asked me.

"We were always together, until he left....he did it for me," I said, sadly.

"What reason did he give?" she asked, softly.

"He didn't want me to get hurt by him or his family," I said, quietly.

"Was he or anyone in his family violent towards you?" she asked me, concern etched on her face.

"No! It wasn't like that...." I replied.

"Then what was it like?" she asked.

"I'm afraid to tell you....you might think I'm mad....it's kind of supernatural, different," I began.

"I can handle that, I will tell you something, Bella. I went into this profession because, for years, people thought I was insane. I was sure I saw the ghost of my grandfather everywhere I went, but nobody believed me. I want to make people feel like they're not alone," she said. I wondered, for a moment, if she was lulling me into a false sense of security, but something in her eyes conveyed the pain and frustration she had once felt. A pain like mine.

"Edward wasn't a ghost, he was real, solid. He and his family are.... vampires," I breathed, waiting for her to laugh or run, whichever was most appealing to her, but she didn't.

"How do you know?" she asked me, curiously.

"They told me....and I've seen things," I said, feeling as though I had betrayed them all already.

"And did they hurt you?" she asked.

"No, but his brother almost did.....I cut my finger and he..."

"Wanted your blood," she said, nodding.

"Yeah, Edward did too, but he always resisted.....he loved me," I said, looking away from her. We talked for an hour before she left and I heard Charlie talk to her in the hall.

"How is she?" he asked her, quietly.

"Not good, she's moved onto things of fairytales and legends," she replied, gravely. Betrayal stung me and I ran upstairs without saying goodnight to Charlie. I could trust nobody now. Great.


End file.
